alphabet stew

I woke up in bizarro land this morning. It’s possibly the only way to explain this…

First let me throw some names at you and see if any bells start a-ringing.

Alien. Blade Runner. Thelma and Louise. Gladiator. Hannibal. Black Hawk Down. Matchstick Men. Kingdon of Heaven. American Ganster. Body of Lies.

I bet all of or at least a few of those movies ring a few bells? They all have one thing in common. Ridley Scott. They were all directed by him and in my opinion, are all amazing movies. He’s also been producer on some 44 other projects, some of them good and some of them ok. But now… this is where bizzaro land comes into it, I’m reading that his latest project is none other than… Monopoly.

Did i climb into bed last night and tumble down a fucking rabbit hole and wake up in another dimension where someone who can bring us Russel Crowe actually being a bad-fucking-ass in Gladitor is going to direct a movie based on (granted one of the more fun and yet) least action filled board games available to date. (not including Trivial Pursuit.)

At least if you were going to make a movie based on Chess you could whack out some epic war movie that has explosions and horses and a king and queen. You take the Game of Life and you make a movie about.. well life and i promise you it’s going to be more interesting than REAL ESATE. Because i guarentee you i would probably be more entertained watch comb over porn (*winks and gargles* you know who you are) than i would watching a movie… any movie that’s based on Monopoly.

At the end of the day, as fun as this game is to sit around and play with your family when your other, cooler friends are too busy… it’s just about real estate. Buying, selling, renting and hoarding as much as possible until you’re the richest person on the board! Are we going to see a Giant Hat, owning Train Stations and a Giant Dog going to jail… directly to jail. DO NOT PASS GO, and by all means… do not collect $200.

So it leads me to ask “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and not in some mild mannered kind of way, this kind of thing rattles the cage of the fangirl inside me that wants to know where we draw the fucking line. First they let Uwe Boll make movies (I have trouble grasping the fact that they continue to give him money to accomplish this feat) but now they’re taking every game they can get their hands on and making them into movies. This perversion is now leaking into board games.

STOP IT BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF.